Dancing Queens

Sitting here, in my office, without my digi camera!!! I work with two manly manly men (both from the South Bronx NY, both with lenghty past criminal records, both with whom I would not want to be on the outs with) - who are actually singing and dancing to Dancing Queen !!!! Oh WHY oh WHY is my camera sitting blissfully charging on my Kitchen Table !!!!

People I wish I wasn't the only person here right now! They are twirling and sashaying! Voices are high enough to make me go deaf, but they don't care for they are dancing queens!!!

A Letter To My Gramma.

Hey Gramma,

I don't know where to start this or where it is going to go. But I already know that I have tears in my eyes just thinking about typing this.

I find myself holding conversations in my head with you. Late at night while everyone is asleep. I find myself telling you about my day and my troubles, I listen real hard to the stillness and light breathing coming from Yum Yum's crib. I feel my pillow slowly filling with the tears that slide from my eyes across and over the bridge of my nose, and drip from my cheekbone.

Not a day has gone by, since you left us that I don't speak your name. I still look for you when I hear the front door open and close softly. I still turn corners, walking into neighborhood stores looking for you. Every time I see someone who resembles you my heart stops beating for a split second and I think could it all have been a dream, are you still here, please let it all have been some cruel joke.

I miss you - no I don't, it's easy to simply miss someone -what I feel isn't easy. I can't breathe properly without you, I can't think at all without you. I can't be without you - but I try. With every step that I take I ask myself will you approve, with every decision I make I think what would you say.

I would give anything except my children to have you back. I have thought about this almost everyday since your passing. What would I give up to have your back. I know what I would give - I would give my eye sight to hear you laugh or crack a joke (even if it is at my expense), I would give my taste buds to see your smile, I would give my sense of touch to smell your scent and I would give my sense of smell to feel you in my arms.

I thought I had more time, I was on a path to show you how well you did in raising me and my son. I was in school and working, I was making moves to take care of you the way you took care of my mother, before she died. You dedicated your life to your children and to your grandchildren. I wanted to show you that although I made many mistakes your words were forever running through my mind.

When you first got sick, I found out I was pregnant. You found me in the room crying, and you told me to get rid of it. I know you just said that because you knew my life was on a steady path upwards, in school full time working full time, saving money living my life with ease. I know you said that to protect me and my son. I know that you always did what ever it took to protect us. You seen in me what I never did.

When you were in the hospital, I had to drag myself to see you. I was so much easier for me to replace the word hospital with Aunt Eileen's house. In my mind I could not grasp the concept of you being sick. You were never sick. You beat breast cancer 40 years ago. You took care of 2 terminally sick children at the same time. You dealt with my mom being diagnosed with Polio and becoming a quadriplegic at the age of 4. You helped her raise me, you were right outside of the delivery room when it took 18 doctors to bring me into this world. You helped my mom raise me for 3 3/4 years before she passed away due to Polio complications. You raised me!

You helped me raise my son when I had him at the tender age of 17. You were my mom and my sons mom when I didn't know how to be.

I always told you - you are not allowed to die you are not allowed to leave me. But you did! You left this void in my world.

When I gave birth to Yum, I was petrified, I was emotionally stunted. I couldn't shake the feeling of not being able to love him as much as you would have. I looked for you during my labor, I looked for you on the street when I took him home. I peeking in all the closets, hoping the game was going to end. Hoping you would just come home!

I know you aren't going to come home, because you are home. How selfish of me to ask you to return to me. You are home, you are home with the two children to lost way back when, you are home with your mom and your dad, you are home with your husband and your long lost brother. You are home where you belong, and now I know that you are waiting for my arrival.

It still pains me that Yum will never truly know you. I know that you are proud of me Gramma. I know that you see how great of a mom I am, I know that you would be talking up the town about my achievements. I also know that you are with me.

This letter has no end because there is no conclusion. I am just going to say I promise you I am going to find away to get rid of the angery boiling in side of me, I prosime you to fight everyday for my boys to be true men. I promise you that I will take care of my little family the way you took care of us. I promise you that I will become everything you ever thought I could be, I promise you I will teach Yum Yum all about you. I also promise you that you will see me when the time comes.

Early Invite At BzzAgent

I received my first early invite over a BzzAgent.com. As in my previous postings I hate cleaning my apartment so much that I must clean something everyday. If not I know I will be sending myself and my family down a very cluttered and grimey existence.

I cant wait to receive my package of Pledge Multi-Surface cleaners. I plan on having a cleaning tips party, I am thinking of creating take home Cd's. I will create housecleaning charts, recipes for great homemade Eco friendly cleaning recipes and lots of organizational tips.

I will keep you guys posted on the put come of the party.

Get to Houseparty NOW!

Houseparty.com has come great parties coming out for the month of September. There are two that I really would like, the first being the Cannon Scrapbooking Party and the other being the Better Homes And Garden Party. Both would be helpful in my life, more so the Better Homes And Garden Party, as much as I love a clean and comfy apartment, I hate cleaning. Which I do on a daily basis.

I clean and I clean and I organize to no avail. It seems that when I lay down to sleep, my possessions find themselves a new place to live, and apparently they like to move around. No item in my house has a definite home. One day I tell ya I'm going to be organized to the gills and have soooooooo much time to mush around that I may go crazy.

Now the Cannon Scrapbooking Party I would love to get, this party would force me to have fun doing something that I truly love. Now I am not an expert scrapbooker, but I am no novice. I love designing photo books online. Mostly from Shutterfly or SnapFish. I love the cute little ditties that come along with scrapbooking.

Enter To Win 1-3 Prizes From Fisher-Price

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I was the greatful reciepent of a Cradle 'n Swing swing. When Yum Yum was teething (he started really early at 4 1/2 months old) this was one of the only ways I could find a bit of peace during the day.

Yum absolutely loved the lights, music and the mobile. He would sit there staring up and coo. We have since passed the swing on to a family member who loves it just as much as we did.

Max Factor Bzzagent Campaign !

This week I received a new campaign from BzzAgent.com. Now I am not your wear makeup to check the mail kinda girl. I am more the makeup to go to a wedding type. I just don't have the brain space to remember to touch up, reapply or even remember to put it on type.

So when I was offered the Max Factor campaign I jumped at the chance to review and chat about a (from what I hear) great cosmetic company. My campaign box included, mascara, blush, a blush brush,some kind of all day stay on lipstick and let's not forget my favorite thing in the world COUPONS!! I have decided that I will wear one, or all three everyday for the duration of the campaign and be honest about how it feels and how it stands up to my everyday life.

Monday was my first try out and it went well, the mascara when I rubbed my eyes didn't bother me at all and stayed on, it didn't flake off or give me a smokey eye. The blush was no where to be seen around 2pm, and I really did not like the feel of the blush brush. I didn't remember to bring it any of the makeup with me, so that was not so good. The lipstick however not only stayed on all day, but the next morning when I woke up, the lipstick was still look ultra sexy. And yeah I showered, lol.

I decided to reapply only the mascara and blush remembering to stash all the makeup in my book bag. (sorry I am not a purse wearing kinda girl either). I did have to reapply the blush a few times during the day, with only a slight fear of breaking out (as I have fairly sensitive skin). But the mascara was standing tall. No need to touch that up! The lipstick was still in great shape although I love the way the it looks faded and wished not to reapply.

So far I really like their products, and will keep yall updated on how it goes.

Lost Out On Fisher-Price Houseparty!

I had a really busy day on Tues. so busy in fact I wasn't even able to check my emails. Had I been able to, I would have had a shot at snatching up a spot for the coveted Fisher-Price Houseparty.

I have to tell you I almost cried at my desk, my coworkers were peeking out of the corners of their eyes. I really really wanted this houseparty, lol. I had visions of having a end of summer party for all of Yum Yum's friends. I was going to decorate my backyard and buy balloons. I was even going to ask a family friend to dress up like a clown and make balloon animals.

I am still a big fan of both Fisher-Price , I truly believe that this company produces the most amazing products for infants and children alike. Their products have forever been a part of my childhood and will be apart of my children's live as well.

And Houseparty for that matter, I have no one to blame but myself, lol. But I have learned my lesson and will soon be purchasing a cellphone where I can check my emails on the go AND access the Internet in a blink of an eye. Anyone have any suggestions?